so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found a bag of teeth...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
