I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
