Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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