i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
