Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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