True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
