Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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