Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
