im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
