now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
