i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
