He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
