If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
