Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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