I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
