Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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