you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
