I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
