I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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