I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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