"it" just moved
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
