What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
