I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
