why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
