please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
