when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
