You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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