Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We have started to decorate penises.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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