just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Pooping to opera.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
