ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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