I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
