She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
