woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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