Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
