He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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