When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
