upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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