Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
