Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im holly from the hills drunk
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My bed is full of blood and feathers
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
