So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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