You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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