it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
