I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just had sex bonerless
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
