There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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