Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
the liver wants what the liver wants
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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