I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she smelled like a LAN party
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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