I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
