I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
