I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently you make a good broom.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
