Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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