can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
