I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
3 2 1 whiskey
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
