and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
