You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
