When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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