Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
