So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
one might say we're banned from that church
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize