i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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