I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
