I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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