ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
