Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
